


But This Is Gonna Take Me Down

by sarcasticsra



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Gen, M/M, More Like Poorly-Requited Hope, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Subtext, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:24:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticsra/pseuds/sarcasticsra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are moments when Josh remembers the magnetism of John Hoynes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But This Is Gonna Take Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> So... this spontaneously happened. References episode 3.18 ("Stirred") quite a bit, and was certainly inspired by it. Oh, Josh. You and Hoynes and your history.
> 
> Thanks for the beta, Abigail!

There are moments--

_“It hasn’t worked, I don’t care if they don’t want to hear it, the tax credit--it **hasn’t helped** , it’s not going to, and I’m not going to go out there and pretend like I’ve changed my mind when I haven’t. They’re wrong, and it’s obvious, and whether or not they want to hear it they **need** to!”_

\--moments when he gets glimpses, little reminders of the man he used to admire, the man he still admires, in some small corner of his mind. John Hoynes is a pragmatist, not a visionary, and he’s no Jed Bartlet, but when you get down to it--

Sometimes Jed Bartlet is no John Hoynes.

 

“You’re in a good mood today, Senator,” Josh comments, falling into step with him as they head down the hall.

“Thank you for noticing, Josh,” Hoynes says dryly. “Please do your level best to ruin it by, oh, let’s say 12PM, would you?”

“That’s what you pay me for, sir,” Josh says, nodding, and it’s glib, but it also happens to be true.

 

“I don’t have the best relationship with Hoynes,” he tells Sam, which is not a lie, precisely, but neither is it entirely true. He knows he could have been the one to meet with Hoynes about the technology challenge fund; it might have been awkward, but probably only at first.

Because he definitely hadn’t been lying about the rest of it. This had been Hoynes’ thing from back in the good old days, and it would have been alarmingly easy to fall back into the pattern those days called for, especially once he got a glimpse reminding him what Senator John Hoynes was like in action.

But instead of putting himself through that, he puts himself through something arguably worse, wasting time in a meeting he doesn’t want to have. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does; political expediency is his lifeblood, but talking about replacing John Hoynes on the ticket leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

He washes it down with a glass of water.

 

“Senator, please, if you’d just listen to me--”

“I have listened, Josh, and I _am_ listening, my listening is not the problem! I just don’t happen to _agree_ with you, and you haven’t convinced me! We’re wasting time with this--let’s come back to it later. I think we’ve all earned a little break, huh?”

Josh slumps back in his seat as the rest of Hoynes’ staffers stand and stretch, and eventually trickle out of the room to grab some food or something to drink. Josh stares sullenly at the expensive hardwood table.

He nearly jumps a foot in the air when Hoynes pats his shoulder.

“Whoa there, cowboy, you going to take the rest of your skin along with you?” he asks, eyebrows raised, walking over to the window. 

“Sorry, sir. I guess I’m a little jumpy.”

“I would be too if I made a living pissing people off.”

Josh cocks his head, smirking a little. “You’re a politician.”

“I’m a _good_ politician, Josh. I only piss people off when I need to.”

“Yeah,” said Josh, smile dimming. “You know you’re also more than that, sir, don’t you?”

Hoynes looks out the window for a moment before turning back to him. “I know you certainly want me to be,” he says, and Josh is saved from having to come up with a response to that by the return of the other staffers.

 

“I feel like I should have known,” Josh says, mostly to himself. 

“Yes, please, Josh, let’s make this all about you,” Hoynes snaps.

Josh startles. “Sorry, that wasn’t--I just meant--god, I must’ve made an ass of myself. I could’ve… not done that.”

Hoynes smiles, but it’s humorless. “Oh, I think that ship sailed, don’t you?”

Josh remembers this about Senator Hoynes, too: easy smiles and firm handshakes covering pointed, vicious ruthlessness.

 

Josh is drunk. 

It’s okay. He’s allowed to be. He’s not at work. Well, he _is_ at work, but he’s not working; he just needs someplace to sleep it off, and he can’t quite remember how to get back to his apartment. He’ll just crash on his couch and go home in a few hours. It’ll be fine.

It would be fine, anyway, if Senator John Hoynes weren’t also at work. He, unlike Josh, is not drunk.

“Josh,” he says, and Josh can just barely recognize the dangerous tone his boss is using there.

“S--Senator,” he says. “Um. Hi. I just. Needed to borrow my couch.”

“Uh huh. Lost your bed, did you?”

“Er. Yeah. Sort of.” He gestures vaguely. “I can’t quite--remember--”

Hoynes sighs, shaking his head. “I’ll call a car to come take you home.”

“No!” Josh shakes his head with more force than necessary. It makes him dizzy. “Sorry. No. I just need… a little sleep.”

“You need a lot of sleep,” he says. “You’re lucky no one else is here to see you like this.”

“Well, s-sir, it’s three in the morning.” He squints. “You should be home. Asleep.”

“So should you,” Hoynes says.

“I’m drunk,” he says, shrugging. “You’re not.”

“No,” Hoynes says, laughing almost bitterly. “I am not.”

Josh frowns at this, trying to puzzle it out. “Do you want to be?”

His bitter laugh returns, stronger. “Oh, you have no idea how much I want to be,” he says. “Suzanne and I had a fight.”

Josh’s eyes widen. He doesn’t think he wants to hear about this. Still, being drunk, he has no way to prevent himself from saying, “Shit. What about?”

Hoynes doesn’t respond for a moment. Finally, he says, “You.”

It feels like Josh’s entire nervous system freezes up. He feels, somehow, caught, but that makes no sense, he hasn’t _done_ anything, has barely _thought_ anything, he can’t mean what Josh thinks he means, anyway--

\--except Josh can’t look away from Hoynes’ eyes, the intensity burning there, and he _knows_ \--

“She wants me to fire you,” he says, conversationally. “I’m only telling you this because I know there’s no way you’re going to remember tomorrow.” He smiles, but there’s something not quite right about it. Josh thinks about protesting, but the fact is, he’s probably right. “Suzanne… she’s practical. She thinks you’re not.” He shrugs. “She’s probably right about that. But Josh, you know what? I think you may be the only person who believes I can be… more. More than just practical. Believe it or not, I value that.”

“I know,” Josh says, finally. “I know you do. I wish you’d show it more.”

He promptly throws up into a nearby trashcan.

 

There are moments---

_“It’s not just unpopular, this is--they’re not going to hear anything, they’re going to tune you out, and you’re going to get **killed** \--”_

_“I don’t care. I’m right.”_

\--moments when Josh can imagine that Senator John Hoynes had become President John Hoyes instead of Vice President John Hoynes, moments when Josh can envision himself right by his side, moments when he meets that intense gaze and he can’t look away, can tell it’s saying _do you ever wonder_ \--

And his ready reply is _no, sir, I know it for sure._


End file.
